thoughts:this is an appreciation post

yeap this post is another me being confused and shit post......yea if you..yes you....you there been reading my blog for soem time, you probably knew about the post where i talk about goin to the states after the pr approval bla bla bla. so yea here i am again. talking about it. whats with the repetition? well thats because in the previous post, a bunch of us from the Chew family only got approved and no decisions were made and this time around....some of the decisions are made....my family wasn't part of it......but we were about to and this is where i'm in a big ole dilemma again....

in just about 3 weeks later or something, probably less than 3, my cousin and his family plus an aunty will be flying over there for over one year just to be approved of being an american. in that period cousins would be studying and stuff like that you know just basically living the life there. no statements regarding the parents. so yea basically they are about to start college and school there. good for them. so basically they are still on the road towards determining the path to be taken. me? i'm at that divider right now man. i couldn't even see the road sign before i reach the turning. and now i'm like just standing right in front of that divider not knowing where to go.

my dad, mom and i are taking a 1 year of extension and really, all eyes are on me because my folks are just doing this for me. my sister used to be a part of this but she passed that age limit and she's forfeited so yea now its all depending on me. going there is a means to developing my future. and we're takign that extension due to the period of me finishing college which falls within that one year. by the time i finishes i'll still be eligible and valid to move over and that is what i'm thinking so much now...look i finished my college...whcih means the path of starting my life as a full adult is taking off. and i just need to be there for one year to be verified as an american. then this gives me two choices of country to settle down. look its not like i'm hating that i have to leave and all, its sort of like a love hate kinda thing you know.... i know i'm still young and i tell myself that...i need to go over.....

so that one year, what can i do? should i just waste my time and try to do something that i used to thought impossible? maybe getting into mainstream music? lol... or get into the acting industry....wo not bad oh suddenly i'm like another michelle yeoh.....suddenly you walk passed the mall and see my huge face with small eyes plastered onto the wall...*i'm just fantasizing okay?!*i don't know man... i just don't know...how am i gonan make friends anywyas? i'm not belonging in a community man...no school no college....i suppose i can just walk up to a street and say hi to random people......the confusion......the uncertainty...i don't even know what am i writing. i'mt hat confused....

i guess moving over there for a minimal period of 1 year is inevitable since i kinda wanna go there....and this brings me to the main point of this post eventhough its kinda short for being the gist....i appreciate so many people now. specifically people....my close ones...the one that i'm cherishing now.....the people that i don't get to meet often....owh man....wilson,chor yuen,kin yew...looks like i'm the scropion when the time comes.....everyone needs to pick that title up.owh man..i dunno what to say...i just wanna go out...but owh man your busy with your work, your busy with your assignment, your busy with cooking....i know there's like still one year...man this sucks...and i'm like cherishing this one person i had so much fun with right now...man i've never written and emo post before.....not emo now just a lil confused...i am literally trap in this quicksand whcih slowly sucks me in and i'm not even resisting it....i'm not seeing this from a good light..